Your Purity Test Results!

Your Ultimate Purity Score Is...
Category	Your Score	Average
Self-Lovin'	23.3% I wouldn't shake hands, if I were you	65%
Shamelessness	59.5% It takes a couple of drinks	79.3%
Sex Drive	42.1% I got needs, baby, you gotta unnastan'!	77.7%
Straightness	3.6% Knows the other body type like a map	44.9%
Gayness	98.2% Repressed, are we?	83.3%
Fucking Sick	79.6% Refreshingly normal	89.9%
You are 51.92% pure Average Score: 72.6%
Take The Ultimate Purity Test and see how you match up!

Politics 101

Republicans, Democrats -- they all have their own special interests they want us the taxpayers to fund in some way or another.

Amen to that.

Why Texans are so damn proud to be from Texas...

If Texas left the Union it would have the worlds third largest army.

Great idea

wolf: 1. Save every Free Credit Card Offer you get, Put it in pile A wolf: 2. Save every Free Coupon You get, put that in pile B wolf: 3. Now open the credit card mail from pile A and find the Business Reply Mail Envelope. wolf: 4. Take the coupons from pile B and stuff them in the envelope you hold in your hand. wolf: 5. Drop the stuffed to the brim envelopes in your mail and walk away whistling. wolf: I have now received two phone calls from the credit card companies telling me that they received a stuffed envelope with coupons rather then my application. They informed me that it they are not pleased that they footed the bill for the crap I sent them. I reply with "It says Business Reply Mail" I'm suggesting coupons to you to ensure that your business is more successful. They promptly hang up on me. wolf: Now, I did this for about a month before it got boring, so I got an added idea! I added exactly 33 cents worth of pennies to the envelope so they paid EXTRA due to the weight. I got a call informing me about the money, I said it was a mistake and I demanded my change back. After yelling at the clerk and then to the supervisor they agreed to my demands and cut me a check for the money. I hold in my hand at this very moment a check from GTE Visa for exactly 33 cents.

Oh oh look what I found!

Online Change of Address Form

GameFAQs: Tripps

not me

tripps - Personals Dating Relationships and Romance

not me

I got a response from someone about my last post. My family came over in 1887 (Irish side) and 1902 (Sicilian) side. My ancestors never took shit from the Native Americans.

From the mouth of reggaejunkiejew:

we stole this land from our Native American brothers in the name of "premanifistation" and then we celebrate some hyprocritical feast of peace. Where was the turkey dinner during the Trail of Tears? Where was the cranberry sauce during free "Small Pox Blankets" day? I tell you something the native americans couldn't eat, beads and that's what we gave them, beads.

The most boring story I've ever posted...

..but really important to those of use looking for jobs.

From the depths of bitter to the shores of melancholy

I was going to make a bitter post about how I'm happy that I don't fit an image and that I'm not cool. But then I checked my yummynuggets e-mail and found an e-mail someone had sent me on Saturday. It brightened my mood. In response to the e-mail:

I'll do my best to see that I make it back to Vegas for New Years. After all, now you owe me.

Here's an interesting idea, a blacklist.

lies all lies

Thank you. I've never had someone say such kind words.

Dr. Seuss' The Cat in the Hat

When I saw this movie being sold out by just about everyone I decided against seeing it. Check out the reviews on it. It received .36 stars out of 5. Nice huh? If you think I'm not seeing it for the reviews think again. I said I would never see Titanic. I will go to my grave ignorant of that movies' idiocies.

small update

My foot doesn't hurt. I'm going camping for the weekend. Nothing else is new. I miss home. I'm not much for typing tonight. Sorry kids.

Home and self esteem

The longer I'm home the more my self esteem turns to shit. Reason? Here there is no need for one. Because I know I'm not leaving this house. I need to fight this feeling.

oh oh oh

Isn't that cute...

I made my first "Dallas friend" today. He's only been in Dallas for a month or so. His name is Nathan. He's bored and I'm bored. We're both stuck in the ultra-wealthy neighborhood and neither of us have money. He works at Wal-mart and drives a 90 Honda CRX. I do nothing and drive nothing. I can't really drive with a lame foot. What is with me and Wal-mart? He's the third person I know who has worked at Wal-mart while I knew them. I really think our friendship is one of convenience. As soon as we meet other people we'll probably stop hanging out. He's a nice guy I just don't think he and I have a lot in common.

"The job" is going to let me know by the end of the week. Even if they change their mind and choose someone else, I still have an interview tomorrow with RHT. They have something for about 20K less than the cool job. That's still good money so I'm not gonna bitch.

With my foot throbbing like it is, it's times like this that I wish I had a girlfriend. This imaginary girl only came around when I wanted affection. The problem with being single is that you can't cuddle with a girl without implying something more. The problem is having a girlfriend is that you lose some freedoms. I'm at the point now where I'm not ready to give up my freedoms but want someone to be close to. This is the critical point where I tend to get into a relationship prematurely. So I'm thinking, maybe when I've been in my own place for a few months I'll really start to consider trying again. After the pain I felt over the last one I think things will be a little bit different. I don't care if she donates a kidney, I'm not going tell myself "maybe she's it". If she was it, I wouldn't wonder.

Anyone else notice how long my posts have gotten since I got here? It's because I have nothing better to do. I have plenty of time to sit and ponder. If you're actually reading this thing drop me a line jcoffi(at)hotmail(dot)com. Even if I know you. At least then I know I'm not writing to noone.

My days of tap are over...

I just got back from the hospital. I cut my foot open running. I received 7 stitches. I'm not typing anymore because it hurts and therefore I'm cranky.

Just a glimpse into my rear view mirror...

There are people and things I miss from my past. I miss:

lying in my moms lap.

fishing with my dad.

Kim's tenderness.

Windy's passion.

Natalie's whispers.

Jenny's love.

summers at the park.

my koolaid stands.

hanging out with Mark and Rich and Rusty.

the monthly parties with Aimee and Steve. It wasn't a party unless the trifecta was present.

me and Greg's adventures.

my non-job.

This isn't to say the best of my life is past me. I don't believe that for a second. I just felt like paying homage to my past. The first 8 years of my life were bad enough to write a book about. The next 10 were hard but only because I made them that way. Since then my life has had it's ups and downs. I miss alot of people and alot of things. Some people I'm not ready to tell and others aren't ready to hear it.

Science is my religion...

I've come to realize that there is one major reason I can't seem to fall in line with organized religion. What it boils down to is faith. I don't have faith. Faith is belief without proof. I'm very open minded but I can't seem to get myself to believe in something I can't prove to be true. If you show me Jesus I will bow down and worship. If Allah comes down and blesses me I will jihad against my infidels. If I see an angel I will put an acorn in my hat and get me some wives. I remain where I am because I have not been shown otherwise.

This is why science is my religion. My bible-my karan is math. I can prove the existance of science through math and math through science. It's ironic though, that secular logic can be used to prove and disprove God. My faith is logic. Spock? No. But when I rest my head at night I know that what I know is true because logic dictates it so.

Interesting thought...

If you think about it, if it were 1280 A.D. and HIV were to come around the human race would be gone by 1400 A.D.

First Dallas Update

My trip here sucked. Here's why:

The truck wouldn't go over 50mph.

The truck had the gas milage of a poorly tuned S.U.V. (10 miles per gallon).

The cat felt the dashboard in front of the steering wheel was his personal resting spot.

It rained all night, every night, all the way to Dallas.

I was sad that I was leaving everyone behind.

I've made it in. I'll post more later.

I'm leaving sometime today. If you want to see me you'll have to find me while I'm running around. Call me 702-325-4191

HELP PLEASE

IF YOU OR ANYONE YOU KNOW HAS A TRUCK I COULD USE SOME HELP ASAP. I HAVE SOME STUFF I NEED TO TAKE TO THE DUMP. OH AND I NEED A RIDE TOO. ILL BUY THEM FOOD. CALL ME Got it taken care of.

I made it all by myself.

Thank you for calling AOL movie phone.

Did you ever know that you're my hero?

Tripps: know anyone who wants my dual 800mhz, my monitor and my printer for $1000? Jew: not that I can think of Jew: I thought you were going to ebay them Tripps: nah Jew: well..if you can't find anybody to buy them, I will be more than happy to let you give them to me for free Jew: because I am feeling that generous Tripps: yea yea yea Jew: don't concern yourself with how I can do such a thing, I will bear the weight of it Tripps: *sniff* my hero Jew: I will be your hero, I will wash away the pain

See I KNEW it!

ThisisLondon: "Men have long suspected it, but scientists have proved that women are incapable of rational thought during a shopping spree. "

awww...how cute...

This could have been me @ 9 months...

From a Fark.com comment...

Having good looks or lots of money are just crutches... It makes it EASY to get hotties, but guess what they are after? That's fine for sex, but "the grass is always greener" and even the most over-sexed guys will eventually yearn for someone to connect with on a different level. I was one of the lucky ones who skipped right over repetitively meaningless sex with hundreds of hard-bodied co-eds and went straight into marriage with my soul-mate.

...say it over-and-over and it sounds more and more true...

Happy B-day

I'm so lazy I'm not going to make the joke again this year.

Logic

blog.postmodernvillage.com: All This Defies Logic: "Logic, I've decided, is a hobbyhorse; it is, in the immortal words of Mr. Spock, 'a wreath of pretty flowers which smell bad.' Logic, like its cousin mathematics, is a theoretical construct that exists solely on its own terms. Only when a real-world situation can be conveniently or artificially simplified to its most basic parts can logic be applied to it. And even then only rarely."

Not quiet as good as the real thing...

...but here is what Tycho and Gabe really look like.

Terror Level

Don't ask...

"...'hey lets sing happy birthday' instead it was 'hey lets string you up and let to senior citizens whip you'"

Hmmm....interesting.

WTF?!?

Are you wearing your special underwear? I am.

Are there any sexual positions that are particularly likely to impregnate a woman? Matthew Dear Matthew, While there are no positions that guarantee to impregnate your woman, there are some that will increase the odds. The missionary position, with her legs wrapped around your shoulders, is your best bet, as it allows your seminal fluids to go directly into her cervical opening. Positions with her on top are to be avoided, as they create a downward flow for the semen. Best of luck! D. Zimmer

Oops!

EXTREME!!!

I went to this halloween party with Windy last night. She was a can-can dancer and I was Marilyn Monroe. I'll have pictures up by Monday. We were talking to some people. When we walked away she said "You're the most extreme person I know." I pondered that. I can think of things that people do that are more extreme than what I've done.