Lately I've been thinking about what it takes for me to be in love. The kind of love I'm talking about is the "I would die for you", head over heals, happily ever after, kind of love. I ask myself, "Why can't I feel that way again?"
You can never fall in love the same way twice. I know this. My problem is I need to feel something I don't know if I can explain. It's a mix of wonder, infatuation, lust and need. It's a feeling that every moment kept away from her is torture. Each time I meet someone I try and look for that feeling. To date, it hasn't been there. I've loved since then, but not like that, and not that hard. If I ever feel that type of love again, that woman will be the one I marry.
I think the right path with begins letting go. I need to let go of that memory, of that feeling, of that person. Also, I need to believe, without a doubt, that love works. I'm going to start that process tonight.
These first steps on my path will be the hardest. I've seen relationships come and go. People use the word "love" like it's synonymous with "like". So much so, I question if most people have ever felt love. I'm not innocent of it too either. In fact, if I were to pick one thing that I'm really ashamed of, it's saying "I love you" when I didn't mean it.
I hope I don't go the rest of my life alone, or settle for something less when I've exausted all hope.
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